Joke of the day: Performance got cancelled.

Hurhur, apparently because of the weather. Then on my way back, less than an hour later, it was bloody sunny all throughout sengkang. Irony, really. No more CIP hours. But still, at least I didn't have to lug my horn to eat dinner with esther then go back. Thank goodness. Mfbbt. Damn sad, no more 6Bang! ): Anyhow, still wish them all the best. I am very very full. I've finally satisfied my Korean Ramen craze. It's still really good even though it's instant and only $1.50. Hahaha. Shit. Just realised I missed class for nothing. But it's already been done right.

I finished my haaaaaan homework! :D So I can sleep w/o worries tonight. Yay.

I'm starting to get wary of certain people.


Fcuk. I felt so disappointed today. Disappointed at myself, at the people around me. At actions we carry out, at words that we speak. The day proceeded fine, until after extra maths lessons. Immediately after that it was basically just shiaaat. I felt feel like such a fcking loser, a coward, an idiot. I felt like the lousiest thing in the world. I couldn't even do simple maths, like a simple question and I'm already so fcked up. And there were these superman people around me, doing the paper in a breeze, and I was like dying and shrivelling up. I hate this feeling, I hate it that I can't do things that I try to do. Yeah, and band was like even more shit. I even felt like crying, I think I teared, but I kinda had no idea why. Then I heard Clare telling Hui Ying that I was like sad that I couldn't do maths and all (which sounds damn loser-ish) and HY told me to relax. And I just nodded. I was fcking pissed at the whole world, like I kept telling myself that things will get better, but apparently not. Throughout the whole of the band practice, I kept telling myself to give my best, last shot before Saturday's performance, cause it'll be the last for some time. I know I still played like shit, wth, and that pissed me off even more. I didn't know what was wrong with me, I just felt I could never ever get things right. I think I'm fighting really hard for a place in this world, but things just don't go right. I have this habit of thinking back on stuff and feeling so embarrassed about what I did then, like I think "Shit, why did I say that! It's damn brainless." And I'll brood over it for the whole day. Yeah just in case you didn't know, I'm that kinda person. I hate myself. I hate my character. I hate my personality.

Hate's a strong word.






I'm gonna pon class tmrw. I feel bad, but wth. I've just lost feeling for some things lately, it's kind of disappointing, I know I'm drifting away from God, where is my faith. I don't even feel like going for CL tonight, but it's not cause it's bad or anything, just that I've lost touch - man I don't know what to type anymore. I suck. I won't be going for class next saturday as well because of band CIP at Kolam Ayer market, like fishcakes!? Urgh, everything irks me, everything's getting in my way. Sec3 isn't exactly a good year, with my grades and all the shit in the first few months when I was depressed like hell, but at least I've found my friends and at least there are people who care. And I am thankful for that. But there's lots of shit and scandals going on in class, and it affects every single one of us. Superman and Deablow (Hhahah Cherms idk how t spell it manxzxzx :D) scares me. They should stop this. And Superman should stop her crazy, out of the world acts. Cause it's spiralling way out of control, before you even know it.


Dinner. Then CL. I hope it turns out fine.


I suck.






















I know I do.


Won't be using the computer much after this, so byebye blog for a period of time. Hope I can control myself manxzxzxz. Lj was cooooool. Really. Jr and I were like seriously camwhoring at the peranakan museum, which is such a weird place to take peeeekchers right. Many many unglam shots! And we took some laopok bus there, which broke down like so many times, so scary. The school must really be on a tight budget hur. Aaaaaand! The bus ride back to school (in a different bus, thank goodness) was reaaaally funny! We started waving to random ppl on the streets and hoping they would wave back. Although the lj was free and well, kinda meaningless, I had fun, surprisingly. ;D Okay I'm off. Bye blog.


The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. Did that hit you in the guts?


I'm very very tired. I kinda feel that this national day performance was like a sucky one, with the band performance and the section stuff and all. My like, top part of the day was majorly ruined by - I shan't say what, but I'm bothered by it. SHEEEEEATT. Ate and walked alot today. First time I did so much walking in the same compound. But I was absorbing the atmosphere in all the time. ;D I swear I'll go back there during December. (8 Got my Black Star! Kinda cheered up the day, like okay, at least I didn't go home that empty-handed. This is random: I REALLY REALLY LIKE TOMYUM CHICKEN. Okay random mood gone.


Tomorrow.
Yes.
I want a good shot at my money.
I must eat
Eat
And eat.

Awww sheeeeeat. It's NDP tmr. Please, please do not laugh at me tmr. It's gonna be so, so retarded I'll have nowhere to hide my face after that. So I'll just eat my embarrassment away (8
Omg, there are so many things to do over the weekend. But I just feel like stoning the whole weekend away, damn it. Zhang laoshi (I typed laoshiT - by accident, really) is so very mean. C'mon, who gives two zuo wens at one time. Gahh. I want to finish it okay, but I know I really can't.

Ahh shit man, I got like, quite a few ulcers on my tongue (like, wth right). It's so annoying. Okay, I'm on the verge of pitying myself now. Haha. Oh. Nidya should be back, right, so the tuition cycle starts over again. Guess I really need her. Losing track real fast w/o her help. I get it. I'm a really really slow learner. /:


Shit. I'm PMS-ing.








Sorry for the grumpiness, all, especially on friday.


Back from CL. Was okay, nothing much. Got quite bored, didn't say much. Still feeling quite inferior and all, but yeah, it takes time for me to warm up oh-kay! (: Well I'll try my best. My brain's ALWAYS not working when I need it to. Aiyoh. So, I get like 45mins to use the computer, and it's pretty stressful! Watching some lame drama now, the only thing that's like, good there is wangzi. He has always been good. But J, it's also not 100% for me anymore! It's like 40% only. And 45% ERJT. Hoho, get what I mean? I think you lost interest like, a thousand years ago. :/ Hurhur.

ANYWAY.

Dang, there's some Upper Pierce (or is it Lower Pierce?) thing for catechism tmr. I don't feel like going! Seriously. I don't wanna see turn-offs that ruin my entire day. And there's geog on monday!?! But I won't luh. Just go, sherms, just make yourself go. Hopefully you'll get to learn something that'll make you a better person.

Yes, I can't wait for tomorrow man. Seriously. CAN'T WAIT. (dread)