Since I'm here, I might as well write. Right. I think I should have joined a convent school. And I think I should have chosen triple science. Because of unplanned decisions, my life is pretty much going way down. Talked for approximately 1 hour with Jz last night. Rather entertaining, omg, I miss the Muttons! Can you believe it, last night was the 1st time I listened to Muttons At Midnight. NOOOOOB! :/ Haha, self-professed. (: ANYWAY. There's car wash tmr! I don't feel like going luh, idk why too. Gotta leave early for Han, but I'm not sad! Cause I miss Jr, Bella and Joanne! We shall all laugh at Zejun and his angmoh cheena tgt ;D I think life's pretty boring. Like, school, tuition, home, friends, talk, act, pretend, yadayada. Nothing new. I cannot, cannot wait till I grow up. I know many ppl wna retain their childhood years but given a choice, I would just keep repeating '06 & '07. Seriously miss CforSpecial, and everything that went on, everything that we went through. No major hiccup, can you imagine! My my, I miss Taiwan & Shithouse & Lalawo SO MUCH. Okay, flooding memories.

Think I should go get my PaoPaoCha. NOW. The sun's so hot! DAMN. ]: What should I eat for lunch. Ban Mian? [I haven't forgetten. 8) ]


Illegality.


Take A Bow is so, so in my head. Nice song ;D My, my. I think I'm going deaf pretty soon. Haha but I can't afford to, cause I'm going blind as well. Damn. Shitzzos. There's CL later. And the giving out of the fliers thing, but A's not going! I don't wna go too. 20% chance that she might be able to make it. But - SIGHS. I guess not. NEVERMIND. I'll get over it. Well. I guess I won't go for any preparation activities for the funfair. I'm like missing everyone of it. And now I'm feeling guilty, sheesh. :/ Tuition today, tuition tmr, lesson sunday! Man, isn't my life like so interesting. Talking to Est on msn is DAMN amusing cause it's been ages since she was online, she's testing out every function there is. Cute right. Hahaha.


Slightly less worried now, but I still pass each day apprehensively. I still don't know what to expect, what to do, what's the norm. WHERE IS MY LIFE. Helloooooo -.




That was quite a show,
Very entertaining,
Now it's time to go,
Curtains finally closing -


Empty.
Nothing.
Zilch.
Nil.
Zero.
Bare.
Blank.
Hollow.
Vacant.
Vacuous.
Void.
Drained.
Deviod.
Meaningless.
Nullity.
Worthless.

Yeah choose one, any would suit my mood. Could be PMS, but I think not. Hurhur, sometimes, I really wonder what my parents brought me up for. To be a good-for-nothing? A nobody? Answers don't fall from the sky, right. I know I shouldn't have gone. But I didn't listen, listen to what my heart was trying to tell me. That it would all be wrong. That it was pointless to go. That nothing would turn out the way I wanted to think it would happen. That I would just move down one rank. My confidence level is below zero, into the negative side. I know I'll start to have bad dreams, bad days, negative everything. 'Cuz life isn't a bed of roses, I know. But why does it have to be a carpet of thorns. Why, just why. How I wish there was a restart button for my life. I would have hit it a long, long time ago. Without regrets. Could be rash, but well, at least better than now. Much, much better.


How much worse can things get? I really should brace myself for the worst. But how much can I take?


Can I not wake up from my sleep, please.


Infatuation comes and goes easily. Funny huh. I've been sinful. I've been overeating too much, too many times. 2 meals a day can add up easily to 5 solid meals. Which means I can don't eat for like, 2 days. Damn scary. I think I shouldn't torture my body this way. But what to do? Food, food, temptation. Neverending. On a lighter note, had dinner with Godma yesterday at New York New York ;D Food was good, the ribs had SOFT BONES (Oh yay :D), the Peach Jello Glacier not bad just that I couldn't finish it. The Florida Crepe, I think I have something against crepes. Scary things. Tasteless and such, nehh, me don't like. :/We talked and chatted about stuff like her children, haha. Seriously, Thomas and Theodore are the cutest people. And amazingly clever to boot. Altogether, I had quite a fulfilling friday. :D


NOW: I wonder what I've got myself into. Why did I agree to go? I'll prolly not talk to anyone at all. And a particular someone, will grab all the attention he/she can grab hold of, and I'll laugh quietly in my heart. Like HELLO, don't so despo CAN/NOT. Huh. I don't wna go. Been mulling over it the past few days and still - MAN, WHY DID I AGREE TO GO? Can I change my mind. Can I not go. Please. Well. I said yes. Let's just hope I don't suffer.


GOOOOO SHERMAINEEEEEE, YOU CAN DO IT. :D


Hokay pokay, so like my life's in the dumps now? I've got 24/7 all round the clock nagging, my dear mummy telling me over and over again that if I don't study I'll fail all my tests, if I don't practise Chinese my results will suck, if I don't basically stare at a book a.k.a study, my life will be screwed. I detest studying, I mean like what's the point? Besides earning big bucks when I grow old. Studying is practical cause it's a straight path (almost) to success, but can't success be achieved in like some other way? You can have the wits and still make it right. Life is getting seriously confusing. And I hate getting tangled up in all this shit. MAN. I think there's like a trend for me at least, like sec1 and sec3's meant to suck, and sec2 and sec4's the stable years. But I don't like it. I don't like living my life not knowing wht to expect tomorrow, or what to expect in a week. I wna be in control of my own life. Okay, on second thought, maybe not, I think I should let God take control of my life. But why's things spiralling out of control even more after confi camp? Have I not experienced God yet, at all? What am I doing with my life? Man, I need advice. I haven't felt so lost in a long time. I think I've never felt THIS lost before. Never, and so this is scaring me. Can the world stop for a moment? I need time to think, clear my thoughts, decide what I should do.


Man, I need help. Anyone tell me, what should I do? Too much's going down.


I closed my entire post that I had been typing cause my mum wanted to see it. But too risky. So overall, today was a bad day. Like I think Bugis is cursed or something, cause bad things always happen to me over there. Damn. I've got tuition tmr, and I haven't touched a single piece of homework. There's like a pile of it. Double damn. O level chinese oral is on 4 July. Triple damn. School's restarting in - 4 days time. Quadraple damn. Sheesh, I just wna get over tmr. And the day after that. As well as the days after that.


Church camp was enlightening. But I have seriously no mood to talk about that now.

Because


I CAN'T STOP CHIDING MYSELF.

For what happened today. It was all my fault and no matter what I say, I know I will hold the guilt forever, sorry to the people who bore the consequences for me. I feel like a loser for running away, and I thank you both for being there, I sincerely hope all is fine now. I owe you guys big time.


Once again, I'm really sorry.


Went to Auntie's office today. Used the super laggy computer to watch Hei Se Hui ;D Went to Bugis after lunch but didn't buy anything! Very disappointing but oh well. DAMN my back aches v. badly cause I lugged my horn all the way to school yesterday! My gosh. It's like I have a swollen back or something. GAHH. ]: Went for dinner at some coffee shop, the fried kway teow was good! Hahah and all the cheque talk in the car, the adults were arguing whether the check could go through if it wasn't closed or something, so funny! Just over a cheque! And they were like shouting at the top of their voices, haha cannot take it! Tsk ;D Need to pack for camp! I don't wna leave for camp. ): Band tomorrow. Another solid day wasted. Plus three more days away from home!





Just received news that my cousin's in hospital due to lung infection. Hope you get well, girl. You are strong so goooo!! Fight the bacteria :D


I am still thinking about Mr Ban Mian. [: Dang. I wna complete History and Chem today, man I hope I'll be able to. Holidays don't feel like holidays anymore. Church camp this friday. I'm kinda nervous but not really dreading it. At least there's Ally :D Then we can bitch bout __ and fantasize over __ & __ YAY! :D There's band tmr from like 9-4. CRAZEEEE PEOPLE. I will die halfway. I haven't even touched my horn! Okay THE horn, cause I brought back the wrong one. ): Band barbeque was - No comments, only camwhoring was cool. There was not enough food! But the food was not bad. And I like the breakwater :D It's so cool to sit up there and just stare at the 无边无际的海! I was super angry when I saw a group of Indian workers being ill treated. They were like I think planting stuff near the beach, then this man was severly scolded by his supervisor. The supervisor was very, very, rude, and I am thus very, very, angry. After all they're all human beings! Can you imagine how humiliating it would be for him, with everyone staring at him getting scolded and all. Tsk. Is there compassion and understanding Singapore, let alone the world?



Lunch time. [Reminds me of Mr Ban Mian ;D]





Bloody, effing, runny nose.


OKAY I AM A HAPPY GIRL, at least for now (:





I'm hurt








Why are you ignoring me?












What happened to those times we messaged like mad about nothing and anything?











What happened to Dylan&James?












What happened -













To everything that happened before?



















WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME. I can hardly sleep at night. Why won't you reply me anymore? WHY?














We could understand each other, and I was happy to have found a friend like you. It hurts to see you plainly ignoring me. It sucks. I wanna grow old.


Been thinking about alot lately. Everytime I step into my room, I think about stuff that usually don't bother me, and it's so weird cause such things never happened before. But anyway. Just wishing for June holidays to pass asap cause there's so much to do. Okay maybe not. I don't want to wake up early and think "Oh shit there's school." OKAY WADAWADA. There's so much I wna do.

Things I want to do:

1. Take a midnight flight to somewhere, anywhere
2. Go crab catching (It's damn cool okay!)
3. Eat good food - Buffet, Steamboat, Tom Yam soup, aww shucks I'm hungry
4. Finish all the crazeeee homework
5. Cycle to nowhere?
6. Go star gazing
7. Finish watching FTLY
8. Gawk at RJT (:
9. Take the London Eye
10. Go to Rome/Italy

There are still many things I wanna do but don't feel like listing them down. Oh but taking a midnight flight is definitely the first on the list, though it'll prolly never come true. :/ You know it's so cool when I stand at the balcony at night and watch those planes with blinking lights fly past, and I think how I want to be in one of them, taking a midnight flight/night flight to somewhere. Maybe USA? Idk. And if I were given the chance to fly by myself, alone, in solitude with no one to accompany me, like in those storybooks, I guess I wouldn't dare to. I mean like, how to stay in a hotel room all by yourself? Crazeee. And when you bathe who's gna watch out for you? When you sleep who will wake you up?

Midnight Flight, here I come.

So disappointing. Marina's steamboat's gone. WHERE TO GO FOR STEAMBOAT NOW?