&the stars will light up the night sky;

2009-09-08T17:56:00.000+08:00

It feels empty. There's a hole in me. Park Jae Beom, why did you have to leave? 2PM will no longer be the same without you, no, this is so much like a nightmare come true. Leadja Jay, I'll miss you. This thing got blown way out of proportion, it's just crazy, my goodness! F the antis, seriously. What right have they to interfere in another person's life? They should just mind their own friggin business please. Telling someone to commit suicide? That's a sin, people, a sin. It was Jae's dream to become what he is today. He worked so hard, stuggled so hard for everything. And this is all we can give back to him? This hatred, this insanity? It's way more than crazy. It's just unbelievable. I am disappointed, very very disappointed, have never been so disappointed in a long time. In any case, Jae, I wish you all the best in whatever you choose to do in the future. I guess you belong back there, back to your family in the States, back to everything you were so familiar with. I guess maybe that's where you really belong, with your bboy friends & everything you once owned. Maybe, just maybe, you'll come back to 2PM. I refuse to give up that hope. I pray that God will take care of you and you will have a brighter future than ever.

LEADER JAE, HWAITING.
2PM, HWAITING.

&apartofmeisgone,justlikethat.

2009-09-03T18:27:00.000+08:00

I'm starting to like 4minute. Thier first single was kinda nyeh, but their other songs are way better in comparison. I think jiyoon's cool, she's got that attitude. And I think their voices are not bad too. My favourite's What A Girl Wants, it kinda resembles some english song, it's like familiar but yet foreign. Yeah well as long as they don't cut and paste wholesale I guess it's still okay. Hope they do well. (: And the fact that 2PM did a dance break with them totally ups their cool factor, haha! Though I still feel 2ne1 wins them in terms of like attitude and style, 4minute's not bad at all. Ohhemmmmgeeee, I'm waiting for Wild Bunny Ep7 to be subbed, hurry hurry! I'm so impatient already haha. 2PM'S my awesome gag-idol group. Wild beasts! You rock ^^

2009-08-28T12:50:00.000+08:00

I finally got to see 2PM and my dear Nichkhun, ooh hot stuff man!

But well. Feel like deleting the blog. Don't wna post anymore.

Kay till then, peeps ;D

2009-07-17T22:57:00.004+08:00

Harry Potter today with J^SE. A lil disappointing though, but still okay overall~ I high-fived Russell Lee! So proud of myself haha. He's nice, I just realised he's like an ang moh? But well. There should be more of such nicer people without airs. Like him. I'm so so tired right now but I still wanna watch my 2pm cause they are just so irresistable. Ooh, sexxaye. {:

2009-07-10T21:31:00.000+08:00

I don't want to feel this way.

Someone tell me what to do.

)':

2009-07-07T20:08:00.002+08:00

Whoo it's overwhelming me.

I need to breathe. Everytime I see 2pm it puts a smile on my face especially when they're being themselves, embarrassing their asses off, cause that's just them, being who they really are. No airs, & I like that. [: Ohmama I'm still in the holiday mood, which is grrrrr bad. Haha I haven't even finished my maths homework! Sucks.

Countdown: 1 more month to prelim 2.

Can life get more like, tight? It's like we just had the exams and now we gotta face it again.

Again and Again ~ HAHA! Yay man I infused another song into my speech.

OH YEAH.

I saw Dora Ho a few weeks back. OMGWTF. Dora Ho - Omg la she bullied me in primary school! Like, we used to play dotting games in our textbooks can you believe it omg. And she was a total bully! She cut part of my bag strap, I think I cried! Haha. Then my mum called her mum to complain. Crazy girl, anyhow cut my stuff sia /: And she had a serious Hello Kitty obsession, omg. It's scary. Urgh. But she looked pretty normal that day, I was damn surprised. Lucky thing she didn't see me. I would have fled a thousand miles away cause who knows wth she can do, even now. Haha primary school memories are just so interesting. Anyway I wish her all the best, wherever she is. [:

2009-07-03T14:04:00.003+08:00

I
AM
GONNA
DIE
OF
2PM'S
HOTNESS.

I hope this craze lasts long, cause I really want this thing to last. Cause this will show that I'm not as fickle as I usually am! Haha. I want 2pm's album! But I haven't seen it in Singapore. Okay I am determined to get it no matter what! Provided it's within budget. It should be one of the things I must do in my life. Okay I promise to get 2pm's album within this lifetime! Haha, I hope I won't wait like till I'm 90 or something to get it. Nichkhun! Is totally oozing seduction haha.

Okay, S get a grip on yourself, you nut. Shit. I don't want to do the shit tmrw. Stupidstupidstupid cip can't they just get my mum to record the number of hours I do like housework or something. Freaking cip would be so much easier that way omggggggggzz luh. I swear I won't be able to finish my homework by Tuesday. It's just, impossible. I wna go shopping! Like besides yesterday, which totally doesn't count cause I only got 2 tops. /: Yeah well but better than nothing.

Kate Brian's books are addictive, man. Esp the Private series haha can you believe it I'm reading books that my sister borrowed! She's like, reading the books that I read now. But whatever! Anything to keep me occupied. I don't wna go back to school.

2009-06-26T13:24:00.002+08:00

The prelims are over but it so doesn't feel like it. The school system's so screwed. All they want is just a freaking good msg for what? For the school's name blah blah blah w-h-a-t-e-v-e-r. I am so tired right now that I don't even feel like doing anything. Walked around Novena Sq with Amirah, Mia, Cw, Serene and MiaoX. Felt abit aimless. Like no mood, ultimate sian. Trust the teachers to dump a whole load of shitty news on us the minute exams are over.

My kidneys are aching. And goodness knows why they're aching like shit. Then I was walking back home and my heart was aching. Like, literally, heartache, not the heart-broken kind of ache. I think my body needs serious repair. I feel like removing all my organs and like, replacing them with new ones. Sucks. I hate this.

I want a break -.

2009-06-07T08:43:00.002+08:00

Nichkhun.

OMG. It's been swimming in my mind. Everyday. Now I must move on to the more important stuff. I will finish watching mnet scandal! Then move on to Idol Show. Yeah, you go, 2pm. :D

2009-06-03T21:11:00.004+08:00

Yezzzzzzzzzzzz, so cycling with JJ, Serene, Amirah & Chewan today was rather enjoyable (: I haven't cycled in sucha long time. I bet my ass is gonna ache for a few days oh damnnnnn. Haha but I shall let my butt ache cause it hasn't ached for a long long time, haha. Oh, NJ campus was really cool, but it wasn't really our type of place. Got me thinking. Rahh I'm living in such an inaccessible place. It's right smack in the middle of everywhere but so difficult to go everywhere. So annoying! But I should live through June first before talking about anything right. I think Cw and I are awesome! Like seriously, two girls made their way around Singapore without much help okay! (Except the occasional sms abt directions frm JJ and asking her bro for directions) BUT we made it from school to NJ to tpy to Pasir Ris Park okayxzzx! That's such a feat for me, my sense of direction totally sucks to the maxxxxx. I think if I ever learn to drive the accident rate will see a drastic increase, hurhur. [OKAY DON'T WANT DON'T WANT, I HOPE NOT]

ANYWAY, back to cycling. Eww there was a spotty snake with innards oozing out? Eww? But kinda sad cause I think someone deliberately killed it. Aww you poor thing. I won't harm you just as long as you stay like, about 10 metres away from me. Tyvm. (: The beach was rather nice and clean today. Yay. The sand was white and clean, not the wet, soggy, brown one. I like. :D Ohmygosh competing stone throwing is so exhilarating la, seriously. There should be some massive stone throwing session. I'll consider taking part haha. Cw take part with me? HAHA. :D

I feel a lil burnt and brown. Oh shit I hope I didn't grown darker. Please noooooooo. Kay now for the few pics I have. (:

2009-06-02T12:08:00.003+08:00

It's been rough.

Day 2, and I feel like I can't keep up. With the grandparents around, life has been pretty disrupted. I just wanna get away from all of it. I'm trying my best, I think. Trying really hard. I just don't understand, why life is always so unforgiving. Bad things come all at one time, they pile up, one by one, till it gets so bad you have no idea what to do.

Life is running ahead of me, and I'm lagging behind. I need to get away. I can't breathe. It's too much.

-

-

-

-

Hey Thomas, I wanna be like you, innocent and carefree.
Love your hair too. And your determination.
Will you remember me when you grow up?
Wish I was your age.

2009-05-29T18:24:00.002+08:00

OMFG I AM E-M-B-A-R-R-A-S-S-E-D.

I sent ' Godma is taking us to Carlton Hotel to eat buffet' to who but Godma instead of Christine omgomgomg this sucks like shit I bet I sounded like some fool when she was reading that.

This has taught me to be in the right state of mind when doing things and not do things when my mind is not 100% functioning and focused.

Shiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatxz.

2009-05-29T17:43:00.002+08:00

I'm so glad english is over. Today marked the day I wrote the lamest compo in my life, ever. Omg I seriously hope I pass because I was crapping something out about a fire and some shit. It sounded like some primary school crap, rahhhh. I can't believe I wrote something like that! It's the lamest and shittiest compo I've ever written, seriously. Weeeeell whatever it's over. :D

Dinner with Godma tmrw (: Yay hope it'll be cool. THERE'S BOF TMRW! Must watch. Ahh grandparents coming over for 2 weeks. Goodbye, bedroom ): I'll have to dig a hole in the ground to sleep.

I NEED TO WAKE UP.

2009-05-25T16:48:00.002+08:00

Yay I finally got a new phone and a new wallet, so Imma happy girl now. :D Well kinda, with issues besides studies. Ohmyxyz it sucks to just think about o levels. Gives you the shudders head to toe. Cause I'm not even prepared for Prelims. 3 weeks, my dears, 3 weeks down the road. Kay maybe I need control. ! I wanna finish my Maths school papers ! If not it'll just keep piling up like ZZzzzzzz.

Right, so I forgot to buy my dinner and I'm kinda food-less now. Sooooo, I'll have to settle for cup noodles again. Poor me. But be satisfied, Shermaine, satisfied! People in Africa don't even have food scraps to eat.

Yes, I shall learn to treasure what I have. Okay yes on time it's almost 5, time for my dinner now. (:

2009-05-23T11:52:00.002+08:00

Had Subway with J yesterday, I love the green chilli and the pickles (:

We must try that Hotdog Shop one day.

Righttttt so today,

I had Big Breakfast as brunch, we all love our sugar rushes don't we? (:

Rahhhh I must go for chinese tuition myself! In this awfully awesomezxz weather, so annoying! I like to sweat cause it keeps you slim but I don't like to sweat cause it's so uncomfortable and gross and smelly, so I like to sweat but I don't like to sweat, get it? Haha noooooooooooooo.

I want more turkey sausages/patties.

Cw we must work off our fats after O's!

2009-05-21T22:20:00.002+08:00

I feel so choked up, so badly bruised.

Yeah, hurt, deep down inside. Maybe a lil on the outside too. Maybe I went overboard. But you didn't have to do that. & Now I'm hurting. & Maybe, just maybe, you're insensitive enough not to realise.

-

I came to a point of realization. A point of revelation. That I can never be good or meet up to expectations no matter how hard I try. Because there will always be her to overshadow me. She can play the piano, and I was useless, gave up at grade 2. She can do Math like it's a pastime, but I hate it. & I'm the one who influences her, who makes her bad. It's always my fault, right?

She's everything I'm not. & I will never be, no matter how hard I try.

Sometimes, tears don't solve the problem. It just makes it worse.

2009-05-14T21:29:00.002+08:00

RAH RAH RASPUTIN.

I need some pills to keep myself level-headed. Cause I feel like I can do lots of crazy things RIGHT NOW and this is pertaining to the bizarre happenings of my lifeeeeeeee -

I think the spaghetti and the tom yam chicken from Seoul Garden yesterday is still currently churning in my stomach. Ohh ewwwww! xD Omgzzx I managed to crap out qn 4 of the geog prelim paper and I think that's all I'm gna do today. Shit, I'm so unproductive. But shit, I still have to do cheena cause it's due tmrw. RAhhhhh.

2009-05-09T15:54:00.002+08:00

I love Nell's album. Awesome.

I really don't get it. Family is, after all, family. Why make things difficult for everyone? Why implicate the entire family line? Why, when it all originated from you, and you alone? Sometimes, I really don't get how adults do things. Try to glam up the situation, try to gloss it over so everything seems okay. From the outside. I didn't expect, not at all. It came as a shock. Yeah, close-knit we're not at all, but still, I thought there would be some form of compromise going on. Is there anything really so unforgivable? He is, after all, your father, who raised you from young, who clothed you, who provided you with everything you needed. And to do this to him now? Makes no sense. Stop being such a selfish idiot. Don't act like you own the world. Don't just throw your parents out as and when you like. They're no toy of yours. They took care of your children, for goodness sake. And now you don't need them, you're really just gonna throw them out of the house? It's damn ridiculous. I really hope I never become like that. Because no matter how much I hate my parents now, no matter how annoyed I am with them, they are still my parents. They gave me a life no other parents could give me. And I am grateful. I'm praying that when I'm older, I'll still be grateful. I pray all this will tide over in time to come. Please God, please. Please don't make them feel unwanted. Please watch over them.

I know I'm not perfect. I know I'm in no position to voice my views. But I'm just saying -

2009-05-07T19:48:00.002+08:00

Screw Bio SPA and A. Maths mock. I'm gonna flunk both. Rahh.

Flustered.

Anyway, after the mock paper, had cheese fries to soothe my frazzled nerves that were oh-so-bedazzled (haha cool not) by the a maths paper. Mia had some weird mutton obsession. Crazy girl. [: Feeling really not-in-the-mood now cause of the way I screwed the two things today. I mean, how dumb can I get?! I think I have tofu for brains. Sighzxzxz.

Doushite;

2009-05-05T19:41:00.001+08:00

A teeny wee bit ~~hurt~~.

Just gonna keep this in for awhile.

Please don't do this to me anymore.

2009-04-30T21:07:00.002+08:00

Nobody reads this dead piece of shit anyway. So I'll just update cause I feel like updating. {:

Can't get enough of DBSK. I think I'm hooked, damn. Overload! I love Fox sweets. Haaaa I feel incoherence coming along. ZZzzz.

I got to thinking about how useless I am as a student. I feel like I'm lagging like shit. I can't keep up with time. It's totally moving against my will. H.Chinese Prelims on Monday like dang to the maxxx I'm going to die I am so unprepared I haven't touched chinese in such a bloody long time. I can only hope that it's not gonna be so bad. Cross my fingers. Ahhh feel like shit.

Ktoodlesall.

2009-04-24T22:46:00.001+08:00

Oh gosh I love A Cursive Memory's The Piano Song. _

2009-04-15T18:39:00.002+08:00

& So it goes,

Indescribable, I can't put my feelings into words. Why do I always feel so jammed up inside? It just doesn't make sense, rahhh, I should stop feeling so much about things. Well anyway went to Compass to get presents for the Hornies. Kinda like no mood, but hmmm, maybe it's the weather.

I h88888 my hair I wanna snip it all off seriously I should just cut bald and wear a wig. ZZzzz.

I wanna do alot of things right now.

Pig out at Seoul Garden with S-9
Play bball with J
Hang out with Est (Imy friend, and all your craziness)
Regain those long, cool phone calls with Jz
Talk to Jolene cause it's been long.
Teach Clare to eat with B's friends, haha! :D
Go crazy with Mia over BOF
Shopping with CW

I guess all of it will happen in time to come. I was just reading through my older posts and it's kinda funny to actually think about how you viewed things before and how everything will and must change. During morning reflections (omg I was actually listening), this thing hit me pretty much: The only constant thing is change. I don't like change, never liked it. It just turns your world upside down and make you cry and make you have moodswings.

Ohmychickadee, mutation suckzxzxz! I don't get a single thing Mrs Chaiw is squealing about, her voice just fills my eardrums and drowns out everything else, I don't get no shit of what she's teaching, damn I'm so dead. Mrs Gay, please come back, I'm sorry that I like pissed you off before but pleaseeee for our sake please come back? ]:

I wanna relearn the piano, and I wanna learn how to play the violin. Really. All those people out there who can play these instruments, I'm enviouzzz of all of you man! Lucky peeps, haha.

I will not stop loving -

Rain hits the pavement.

2009-04-10T18:46:00.003+08:00

Crying relieves me of my emotions. I haven't cried like that in such a long long time. Not even after SYF, but I let it all out last night. I just felt so alone, so weary, so tired, so frustrated. Throughout mass tears kept threatening to flow down, but I forced myself to keep it back. &I came home and cried till my double eyelids were gone this morning. But thanks J, you're really an awesome friend & I will die if I were to lose a friend like you. I thank God that I have friends around me who care, and are willing to give up their time for an insignificant person like me. I really thank all of you from the bottom of my heart. I love all of you very much okay! {:

Passion Play was great, and I think it was very successful cause we managed to survive through so many obstacles like the power failure (wth) and all. Taking a break from CL for awhile together with Allysa (Mrs Ji Hoo - you happy now? Haha) Allysa! Cannot go back on your word okay. :D

There's always the problem of prelims, Os, homework on the back of my mind, arghhhhh, now all I can think about is how to complete the work due on Monday, & damn, I really hope I don't fail next week's common tests, I feel so unprepared, so burnt. I just pray that God will bring me through this.

I'm getting a headache. >:[

2009-04-08T18:46:00.002+08:00

Bio SPA tmrw, I really have no idea what to do.

Urghhhh Math CTs next Wednesday, I h88888 plane geometry much! I forgot all that I've learnt. Weeeell.

Stoooopid mosquitos! All you do is bite, suck, bite, suck and bite and suck people the whole day, so annoying! Go suck some other animal, why meeeee, now I'm itching like hell ALL OVER.

!

I shouldn't be here. I need to think alot, though. Think about things.

Kay, so one day to Good Friday, man I really hope Passion Play turns out flawless. I seriously hope I can do the prop running thing well, like I really don't wanna trip and fall right in front of an entire audience of innocent, cute little children and their parents staring at me with their mouths gaping at me in horrorrrrrrr. >:(

Hopeful outing with J^2SE tmrw. I think we needa catch up badly.

Ponder.

2009-04-04T09:31:00.002+08:00

Now I'll really miss band.

I'll really miss the section.

I'll really miss the ever so weird Mrs Lim.

I'll really miss the motherly Mrs Tan.

I'll really miss the scoldings we got.

I'll really miss the praises we got as well.

I'll really miss Clare, for her accompanying me to the toilet, comforting me when I cried, telling me that it's okay, complaining with me about band, always being by my side, always there. Thank you, Clare.

I'll really miss Baolin, for her certain strangeness which has been a rather common part of my band life, for the cynical way she views things, balancing out how we see others, so that it's not too mean or not too kind either. & Baolin, I just wanna say that it's okay not to cry. I know you're crying inside, but it's okay, cause we've tried our best. Baolin, it's okay.

I'll really miss Victoria, because there'll be no more mutual bird watching sessions anymore, because we won't be able to laugh together anymore, because we won't be able to beam over Kim Bum anymore.

I'll really miss Huiying, because of her dedication towards band, the fervour she has for life and everything around her, the Show obsession, and I thank you for the time you loaned your house to us for the Farewell video, because these small things really count and we remember, deep down in our hearts.

I'll really miss Nicole, for her easygoing personality, for her encouragement, for her love towards the section. I'll miss you, Nicole.

I'll really miss Adilah and Asha as well. Thank you for loving the Horn Section.

To all of you, thanks for putting up with me, as a not so perfect SL, I apologise for the times that I sucked as an SL, for the times that I could have been better. I'm sorry, and I thank all of you for the experience that I've had.

Ms Sia and Mr Ong, thank you for all the guidance through the 4 years. You needn't work yourselves up, scold us time and time again for nothing, needn't conduct with such passion, and ever cheer us up after everything. But you did. You did because you had passion for music and you loved us. Really, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

We only know how to treasure when we lose it.

My life in band ends here.

2009-04-03T23:28:00.002+08:00

I cried. We cried. For the band, for our hard work, for all the effort, for the supporters, for our seniors, for our conductors. & I am really really so exhausted, I think it's been really long since I felt this way. I thought disappointement should come once in awhile. Reality proved me wrong. Everyone's morale was crushed, stepped on, buried, when the results were announced. We tried to be satisfied, to clap, to cheer. Things don't go the way you want them too, usually. So what did it all add up too? I think what I'm feeling now is something more than sadness. It's something like empty. I think all of us feel this way. Even the teachers, and Mr Ong and Ms Sia. I feel sad because we have let them down, because life is so unforgiving.

2009-03-31T20:08:00.002+08:00

Dammitdammitdammitdammitdammit.

SHERMAINE PROMISES TO START BEING SERIOUS AFTER SYF. For now, she just wishes to enjoy herself for the last few times, because next week's approaching really soon anyway.

(Note to self: Hurhur, better keep to your promise.)

I caught the flu bug, shit! My nose hasn't suffered this bad in a long, long time. Feels like it's gonna drop out anytime. Plus I kinda jabbed my back into something, so now my left kidneys ache like hell, damn. It really aches. I think I'm dying.

:C

2009-03-30T21:56:00.002+08:00

The fish gave birth to babieeeees! {:

Cool, xD

Okay, so the clock's ticking away and it shows '3 more days', I really really hope I can give it my all and do my best. Just for this one last time. I'm really gonna miss the ever crazy and annoying Hornies. [LAWWWWL]

Victoria - For your super crazy laughter at anything and everything, makes me feel that I'm
capable of being so amusing. Oh, our Bird-Watching sessions?? :D

Hui Ying - For your crazy obessesion over SLZX, and how your phone is soooo polluted with
his face and songs. Tsk! Haha miss you! I still wanna get you yellow banana earrings
okay.

Nicole - For not coming for band. Haha no luh. Must come more often kay! Haha & I think you
like TaeMin of goodness-knows-which-group, but I just found out that he's like what,
only 5 months older than me?? Kinda old for you huh. (:

Asha - For you being so quiet and so kept to yourself. Must try and talk more! Haha command
the respect you deserve.

Adilah - Another one who comes once in a blue moon! Must be more regular kay. You can play,
so have faith! :D

Aww! Will miss all of y'all! Please take care kay. For now, all the best for this Friday! It's make or break. Go CSB! :D

2009-03-28T10:46:00.002+08:00

No shit, I sooooo need a new phone.

2009-03-24T17:50:00.002+08:00

Okaaaaaay, so this always happens. Well I know I should be responsible so yeah, I should probably go. But it irks me, seriously. Ughhhhh, why. Seriously, I feel damn cheated right now.

Will it matter if I don't go? Does my presence really matter? Really, I'm doubtful.

Can I say no? Can I say I don't want to?

When will this stop.

Shit. There's school tmrw. This makes my happiness level go into the negative side, which sucks so much.

D:

Well anyway, went home with Jia Rong after Chinese remedial today. (which is always sian to the max I hate it sooo much) Haha she makes chinese lessons so enjoyable! Despite the boring-ness of Ms Wee and the subject. The only acceptable thing is that she watches BOF! :D But I find she's a lil too old for that. Yeah so was eating the Ham and Cheese Pretz thing while JR ate her Cookies and Cream. Damn, I must learn to eat like her, so slow and steady. I would have wiped the whole bar out in 5 minutes. {: JR is sooo capable of entertaining me. It's like she has so many stories to tell while I have none, so I'll just listen and laugh. Haha. She should go be a storyteller or something. Yes I know, be true to yourself! Strictly no facades. I'll try! I miss 2C loads.

Try this: Pronounce AIRFIELD.

Tried it? HAHAHA get it? :D

2009-03-20T23:48:00.001+08:00

I don't know anymore. Was I wrong in doing so?

I hate complications, and their consequences.

Unfathomable.

2009-03-17T22:34:00.002+08:00

Heeeeey, just 17 more days in this helluva shithole.

Yes, you know you can do it. You must pull through.

I try to ignite that passion, but it just doesn't happen like that, I'm sorry.

Plenty of questions, but no answers.

You're such a hypocrite, you two-faced bitch.

_____________________________________________________

Chem SPA today, I took my thermometer out! Shitzxzxz, only realised when Ms Chng kept staring and me and I saw that everyone else left their thermometers in the cup. /: I totally threw away my mark. And then, wow scream and shout - dnab. Like, my entire day gone.

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ (Fill in your own swear word)

Compass-ed with Est again, haha to get like stuff for tmrw! Ssh, surprise! :D Exchange at TKGS, which sucks big time. Plus Yuhua on Saturday.

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ (Fill in your own swear word)

I hope I'm entitled to my own personal opinion on my own personal space on the Net yeah. THIS SHIT SUCKS BIG TIME. I made a wrong decision. But it's too late to regret now. So, I will live with it. I must live with it. I will try.

D-:

2009-03-13T19:10:00.003+08:00

See us infants, the CloudBurst.

Does it get any better/.

Hey Jerine, Jin Zaw, Jolene and Esther, Imy. ):

2009-03-06T21:22:00.002+08:00

Soooooo,

It's just the sister and me this weekend. While daddy and mummy are at ME having a good bonding session together. And abandoning us. D: Well everything comes at a price, yeah. Compass-ed together with Est after remedial, ate at Macs, saw Krizia, said hi, walked around, whoa the Jap food fair was damn good la. The selection was awesome. But we didn't have enough money, haha. Took 156 to change bus, met Allysa, bus-ed to church for CL. Okay, I should leave my feelings unspoken. Mostly, same old, same old. Gave Jalan Kayu a pass, cause Chris was at home alone and I felt bad. Wasn't that hungry either. Walked home and saw Krizia with John L again, so coincidental. (Haha Allysa, don't scream! ;D)

I know it's the period of Lent already, and I'm guilty cause I haven't sacrificed anything and everyone around me is already like, in the midst of sacrificing (?). I'm trying hard to be a better person, to keep my temper in check, especially towards my family. I get really pissed at my sis sometimes, but I managed to turn away and not scream at her just now, cause she was just so annoying. Sometimes, telling yourself to calm down really works. Standing at the balcony watching the swaying trees and looking at the sky is real good for the nerves. I'm trying! It's better than not right.

AHH fudgepie! The Public Speaking Assignment! I don't want! D: Mr Sng, torture is so your style! A break. I think all the Sec 4s need a break. Shit. I'm so glad this week's over. It's been kinda shitty.

One last thing, I H8 VECTORS MANY MANY.

2009-03-02T22:52:00.002+08:00

Desolate.

I can't get myself to sit down and memorize anything for the tests.

All I can say is, I can't get enough of Lee Min Ho and Kim Bum.

2009-02-27T21:12:00.002+08:00

; The arrival of EmoMomo.

MTP was such a waste of time. And there seriously was some ventilation problem in the hall, they should probably like, fix it. Went opposite for dinner with mum and sissy. I love the tom yum ban mian aunty! She's like, damn nice, the service is good, and the food is awesome! I shall patronize it regularly till the end of the year. :D

I wanna say alot more but I shan't. Sometimes, silence conveys much more.

Hit me like a ray of sun
Burning through my darkest night
You're the only one that I want
Think I'm addicted to your light

I swore I'd never fall again
But this don't even feel like falling
Gravity can't forget
To pull me back to the ground again

Feels like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin'
The risk that I'm takin'
I'm never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away

/-

2009-02-25T21:43:00.002+08:00

Mix of emotions. I think I totally screwed up my chemistry test today, but what the hell.

Life's too unpredictable, everything still seems surreal, if only time could be reversed.

I saw two amazing rainbows today, and I think it's very much due to the screwed weather.

Watched the really beautiful rainbow fade away together with J, made a wish.

Sometimes I wish I could save you,

2009-02-23T21:02:00.004+08:00

Death.

It's a scary thing, it swoops you off your feet unknowingly, it makes you cry a bucket of tears, it unnerves you badly. It's something difficult to come to terms with.

Dear Uncle,
I lived in the house below yours before, and though I've never really talked to you, I would sometimes see you in the carpark coming out of your car, and my parents would smile at you as you returned it back, if I remember correctly. I hope it wasn't you, but if it really is, then I hope you go to Heaven and that your family members will pick up the pieces as time goes by, and go on living life the way you wanted them to. I pray that the hurt that they are enduring now would soon fade away and be part of their memories, and they would always remember you being the loving dad and husband.

I don't wanna have to face it.

2009-02-16T21:37:00.002+08:00

The 100th post, and I'm thinking of closing this down. I've long lost that blogging urge already. Mm-hmm, shall see how my mood varies.

& So I was thinking, is there more to life than what we always perceive it as? We harbour many dreams and we try to achieve something that we think is rightful in its own way, like this IS the way things should turn out. But is it, really?

Maybe not.

In deep thought. I should change my perception of life.

2009-02-06T23:46:00.001+08:00

Tryna keep my cool.

2009-01-29T22:03:00.000+08:00

Self-control, Sherms.

2009-01-27T21:31:00.002+08:00

I love babies. Fat, thin, cute, ugly. Ooh baby! :D Isn't it great, it's like a wonderful creation created by God, evolving from nothing into something miraculous. Yesterday there was this damn cute ang moh baby at grandma's house. His story made me sad. ]: But thank goodness he's a healthy and perfectly normal (plus good looking) baby. I'm starting to sound like some paedophile. {:

I have alot of uncompleted homework. I don't wanna be sent out by Yag again. Plus chemistry! I owe so many worksheets. I feel so bad for Ms Chng. It's like she nags and nags so much at us, telling us that we must study for at least 3 hours every day and all that mother-ly talk that we get everyday, but most of the time it falls on deaf ears.

Back to school tmr. C'mon life, gimme a break! I haven't got my fill of fun and ang baos! Me want more! Haha. :D

2009-01-23T22:48:00.002+08:00

I don't feel like blogging much these days. ]:

Well anyway ;

School was fine.
CNY celebrations were okay I guess. Not the best.
Chinese lessons are spent like teasing people all around us, haha JR we rule!
Plus all those cutting nail sessions.
During lesson time!
Haha we totally rule.
How bout manicure & pedicure sessions the next MT lesson?
I think it's feasible. Haha.
You gotta stay strong,
I'll always lend you my listening ear okay, just hang in there!

Went to Raffles City to eat BK with Double J's and one Esther.
Was having a bad picture day.
I wanna eat Twister fries.
I'm starting to lose the ability to read and use good vocab.
Didn't read any book at all during the holidays.
I suck.
Now my english's like shit.
Tried reading PS. I Love You but I kept reading the same line over and over again.
Tried reading Twilight but only progressed to page 50.
Disappointed.

I like tanned, tonned, men with abs. [:
Saw some hot stuff with eight pacs.
Is it possible.
Cause I swear I counted eight. Haha.
Even my mum was staring at him doing push-ups yo.

Just saw some comment on Chris Brown saying that in real life he smells like shit so he probably doesn't bathe. Ha.

2009-01-16T19:30:00.002+08:00

I felt so exhausted today even though I didn't do anything particularly exhausting. Aww shucks, gotta wake up frickin' early tmr for the Secondary One Induction Ceremony which to me, is totally retarded cause why do they need the band there every year? Can't they just get inducted and go home. AND OH MY, full band u. I'm gonna be raining sweat - and blood, from squeezing into too-small court shoes and getting fugly blisters all over my feet. Urgh.

Went to Spotlight at PS with J to get her V Day presents. And she got a free VIP card! Haha. Should have bought something from there too. Haven't settled all of mine! Will think through properly before I get them. I get very very high with J and the rest! :D Laughter's great.

Shit, commontown sucks bad. I can't load it no matter how hard I try.

It's not a bird, not a plane
It's my heart and it's going, gone away
My only weakness is you
Only reason is you
Every minute with you
I can feel like I can do anything
I'm going going, I'm gone away love

2009-01-13T17:23:00.002+08:00

Ate Subway with Jz and Est, my first time, haha! Felt so noobish, but I shan't further elaborate. (8 Walked around Carrefour, it was super disappointing! Like there were no nice gummies to buy. /: Sad. Then went to Sembawang to check out the stuff, and stayed there for like 20 minutes. Oooh, Subway cookies are good. Especially the Double Chocolate cookie. If only I could bake like that, hurhur.

OH YES ANYWAY, 4I takes Special PE. Man it sounds so wrong! Like, we have some deficiency or imperfection so we gotta take Special PE to correct all that. I think I will start aching tonight, damn it.

I think I'll really start drifting away. I don't like how things are right now, it's like c'mon, how insignificant can I get? I dread going every week. Why wasn't I put somewhere more appropriate? I feel like shit now.

2009-01-12T19:22:00.003+08:00

Now I can heave a sigh of relief. ;D Thank God for the end result. BUT, more is yet to come. Today was major stress-out day, with all the buzz all throughout the entire school. But good job Cedar! (: Kfc-ed with Jerine today. Satisfied my chicken craving! Hahaha. And I just realised that J stays really near to me! Like super duper near, it's not even tiring to walk there. Haha. (: Bought highlighters that cost 40 cents each, it's bloody cheap! Haha. :D

I am dreading band. ): Thank goodness tmr's half day. [Then no auditions wahaha!] Lunch with the Bird! :D

Now I'm running and screaming ;

2009-01-09T17:47:00.002+08:00

Mrs Yag is a Bloody Big Bathtub. MADe me MAD. I wish teachers weren't so crazy. Can't they be a lil' more emotionally stable? Kfc-ed after chem remedial, which was doing tests for anions. & I like it! Hahah it's cool, like the gross precipitates and all. And how my worksheet always turns out like shit after dropping in the basin etc. etc. I used to hate experiments, especially those involving stopwatches and pendulums. It's retarded. & So, I conclude that

1 & 3's bad,

2 & 4's good.

And I like it that way. Hopefully it lasts. I love Cheezy BBQ Meltz. :D

Footnote: S & C trademarked Bathtub today, the 9th of January. {:

Breakeven.

2009-01-06T21:07:00.002+08:00

I need some direction in life, cause I don't wanna stray. /:

PE was shit. Felt like dying after less than one kilometre, like omg my stamina's bananas now.

Busted, big time. Shit, I want freedom. ]:

2009-01-02T17:54:00.003+08:00

AND SO.

The year has passed, really fast. School's back, tv's out. /: Reeeeeeeally scary. I think some of our teachers are quite okay, and the class com's okay too. I haven't been thinking alot lately, so I gotta start pondering on stuff. Like what do I do if I can't make it. I think alot's gonna change this year, I just hope the good stuff stays the same. :D Recieved taget setting form and scheme of work for certain subjects today, everything's really flying past, it's scary but somehow I can't wait for the worst part to be over. Oh yeah, TRIED to collect my IC today but then I failed, haha. Unfair! Cherms and Charis got to collect theirs but I couldn't. (Haha I must be just too young!) Now I'm wondering why I didn't get the crazy hair pen thing for myself too. Am I dumb or dumb.

Do new beginnings last?

2008-12-27T21:37:00.003+08:00

Was sick, is sick. It sucks to be sick, but I don't even know what I've come down with. I can't eat anything that I like! Like Swensens ice cream and fried mushrooms. (sounds weird :/) And I'm a big, big eater! Haha. Now I'm hungry. My stomach's going nuts on meeeee. Concert, concert, concert to attend. WHY! ): And the tkgs exchange on monday, then band on tuesday. What is this la! Band for three days straight. ):

I'm into Unbeautiful by Lesley Roy now. ;D

2008-12-25T22:59:00.000+08:00

I h8 dnab
I h8 dnab
I h8 dnab
I h8 dnab
I h8 dnab
I h8 dnab
I h8 dnab
I h8 dnab
I h8 dnab
I h8 dnab
I h8 dnab
I h8 dnab
I h8 dnab
I h8 dnab
I h8 dnab.

I hate it so much. Ruined my almost perfect day. Fudge it.

2008-12-23T13:33:00.002+08:00

OHMYMAMMAMIA, what on earth is outsourcing, geography is driving me maaaaaaadogsmaaaad, heeeeeelp! /:

I think the violin produces great sound. I'll learn it if I ever get the chance. (:

2008-12-19T21:59:00.002+08:00

Okay, so tmr's the day, but it's gonna be really toned down and all. And I'm fine, guys, really! (: Thanks Est, not BFFs for nothing. ;D I miss Cherms! And I really wanna go on the 24th, just haven't asked my parents cause I know the answer will be no. I've decided that I'm too lazy to post all the photos from Japan, haha. Maybe next week. Or a year later. Haha. played a guessing game with jin the gin online, hahah, she was driving me nuts manxzxzxz! I guess J^3SE will only reunite next year. Aye, we must go out sometime end next year, we needa catch up badly.

I miss alot of things, alot of people, alot of places. &I'm a sinner through and through.

2008-12-12T21:53:00.007+08:00

I'm back. Yep. Japan was okay I guess. Crapping as a section was fun, but then still there were some sucky nights. Some people gotta think fore they act yeah. 'Fore they get others into trouble as well. I think I got to know alot of other people better after this trip. Acceptance! It is key. Meiden High people were awesome! Oh man. Rino rocks! She's like the nicest 18 year old foreign person that I've ever met (not that I've ever met any but yeah, haha). They're coming in March! But she might be graduating, which is damn sad! Aww man. Shit, stupid sore throat. I feel like numbing my whole throat so I won't be able to feel anything. Ahh, Disneyland and Disneysea! Hahah, there were like an overflowing number of birds luh! We all went Bird - Hunting! [Note: code language :D] But not all were like swans, what a pity. Lots of mynahs and crows! Aww. AHAHA. :D OKAY ENOUGH ENOUGH. Let the pictures do the talking. :D

The pictures are screwed. All messed up, but I'm half dead so I'll post the rest the next time. I love GReeeeN so much, their songs are awesome. And FT Island is cute to the max. Teehee! <3

2008-12-05T00:25:00.001+08:00

I'm like at the airport now. ;D I really hope things will turn out well. Take care, all! Be back soon. (:

2008-12-03T21:25:00.002+08:00

Leaving in 28 hours. &I am not excited at all. I just hope everything will turn out okay, like maybe a can enjoy myself a lil, like I enjoyed myself much in Taiwan. Oh man. I miss Shinmin High School. And now we have an Aichi Meiden High School. I pray it's gonna be like, fun and engaging kinda workshop. Happy 15th Birthday to Jolene in advance, I really had a great time hobo-ing today! Hahah. Take care everyone, see y'all when I'm back. ;D

2008-11-28T21:40:00.002+08:00

Hahah I so feel like singing now, man! ;D It's the christmas spirit coming on early, y'all! Haha. (: Time passes really really fast. December's just next week! And in barely a month, school will start. How sick is that ): Which means O levels! Shit. Okay I shall not think about yesterday, shall not worry on tomorrow, I'll just try to live today to the fullest! Well about the rooming, I guess I have to come to terms with reality sooner or later, Yuxin said we have to make the best out of whatever we get, even if it isn't something we wanted. Yep, guess I'll try my best.

Red, green, blue flashlights.

2008-11-24T19:40:00.001+08:00

Band was really weird. Things are starting to turn funny. I guess it's really my fault huh. Like maybe I'm too mood swingy or whatever. I just feel so sad seeing how close y'all have grown. And how I'm always made to do stuff that I never even agreed to in the first place. Maybe I'm just being childish, but heck. Truth is, it sucks being in this position, have you ever thought about it? C'mon, give me a break. I'm sorry if I've done anything to offend you or whatever, really.

Y'know what, I don't even wanna go tmr. So all you can mange is an 'I don't know', that's all you can do to help me? Thanks alot, really. Man. I'm so stressed now I haven't made up my mind and I've gotta send the horn pictures like by tonight cause - shiatttttxzxz/. And none of them are picking up my calls. A breakdown's driving headway at me.

Tell me how.

2008-11-21T21:49:00.002+08:00

I'm back! To the hectic life here. See, reality sucks, like to the max. /: Anyway the trip was pretty awesome! Like the slow pace of life and all. The weather in Cameron Highlands and Genting Highlands was damn shiok! Hahaha. Cameron Highlands was sorta nice, like scenic and beautiful, but the amazingly great number of houseflies totally marred it's beauty. They were everywhere, seriously everywhere, even though it was way cold and high up there. The flies were really really really gross. Eeyuck. ]: The theme park at Genting was awesome! Space Shot was super scary but the best roller coaster was Corkscrew. It was damn fun. :D I can't post any pictures now, even the Confi ones, cause my dad's a really difficult barrier to get through. I shall just post them when he's not around.

I am now officially way, way behind everyone in the completion of holiday homework.

OH AND HERE'S TO MY DEAR WORM PARTNER IN CRIME ;
HAPPY BELATED 15TH BIRTHDAY ACW! :D

I really hope you had a blessed birthday and I'm sorry I wasn't able to wish you on the day itself! There's always next year! Haha. Love you! :D

There's tuition tomorrow in the morning and sheesh, I haven't finished the homework. I am so dead. It's CL sunday this sunday. (This sentence sounds so funny.) I'm not doing anything and that is wonderful. I totally need a break from my sucky, super shitty acting. Hurhur. I love my bed, I miss my home. Yay. ;D

2008-11-15T21:58:00.001+08:00

Confirmation was great! :D Pictures later, got my pops staring me down. /:

2008-11-15T13:42:00.001+08:00

My right kidney is aching like hell. Tell me why.

2008-11-14T15:46:00.003+08:00

Tomorrow, it will be. Tomorrow, marks the end. Or the beginning, either way. Shit. I hope I do wardening fine, like i don't trip over anyone's legs or I don't face any bastards who give the attitude face when I hand the thing to them. Now I'm getting really really really scared. Maybe I should just keep it all to myself. I guess it's good to believe and just get tomorrow over and done with. Anyway I'll be away from the 17th to the 21st of November in Genting. But I'm really not excited at all. And I feel bad cause Christine's like all up and about wanting to pack and leave immediately but I don't match her energy level. And daddy will be disappointed. Hahaha but anyway I was really happy a few nights ago due to something. (: It wasn't exactly a good or bad thing but at least it was something. Yay :D The first time I totally missed it but then the second time I took it out I saw it. Hahaha but the excitement has totally died down, sad. Allysa you cannot be sad! Haha what you did that day was totally cool, haha. Retard was soooo scared of us after that. Chicken backside! 8)

Give me something more;

2008-11-07T16:00:00.002+08:00

Feel so sad. I feel so choked up with everything, like I can't control my life. There're tons of holiday homework and I haven't touched them, and there's way too little time. The thing is, I don't get anything at all during maths lessons. Like seriously nothing. I feel so dumb and I feel so sad for the teacher next year. I don't get bio too/. So the point is, what do I go to school for? I don't get it. I think my brain is rotting away big time. See, tuesday and thursdays there's caroling practice, monday there's band practically the whole day, friday there's CL, and tmr, damn tmr, there's the R&R day from 7am to 9pm. I can feel my heart telling me no, don't go, but shit, do I have a choice? I just don't want to face anything. And I totally forgot everything I learnt during the whole of the last school term. I am one bloody dumb kid.

Self deprecation. Shermaine, you were born to lose. So give up.

2008-10-30T16:18:00.002+08:00

Countdown: 5 more days.

I feel like I've not been doing enough, shit. I'm uncertain. Chinese. Damn. I can't pay attention during extra lessons. I've not started holiday homework. I feel myself becoming lazy, help how to kick this laziness getting to me. Not in the blogging mood right now. Hot shot takes priority. (:

I know this is wrong but I can't wait for confirmation to be over, like quick, real quick. I don't have the confidence to say no. It's apprehension, it's fear. Idon't wanna face reality, no matter how ignorant that sounds. I cannot stand the feeling no more. May my faith stay rooted despite everything.

2008-10-24T12:20:00.001+08:00

Haha know what, I feel so childish now, saying all of that. But I guess I'm okay now! Thanks Livia, haha. Whoa luckily you dind't slam me or something! But it's okay la, in the end. Somehow everything WILL work out ;D And I will be a happy person! Even for fridays and saturdays which I've come to dread. And sorry to the horn section as well! I was being such an ass on thursday. /: Frankly speaking, I don't deserve to be the SL cause I think I'm too emotionally-driven, like, shit man! I don't wanna be like that too. I just hope I'm improving each time, and I'll try my best. Oh yeah, I really really enjoyed myself on the last day of school in class! I learned how to play Bridge and I think I'm better at Taiti too! Haha yay. (: I love the class clique too. :D I just hope that next year will be as good (with lesser trials and tribulations please), and that we'll strive hard together for anything we wanna achieve! :D

Danielle Lim Yi Han, where on earth are you? Imy! And the times we were best friends in P4. I think it was like, one of the bestest years of my primary school life. Hope you're doing fine and hope to see you somewhere on the face of this earth again! (:

2008-10-22T18:50:00.002+08:00

I don't wanna go to Japan anymore. Band drains out the lives of all. I felt kinda really disappointed today, like y'know I had to bloody hell face reality. I felt damn bad to Asha but then what can I do? I mean like, I don't even know her, she doesn't even know me, I'm chinese and she's not, she's younger, she's quiet, yeah I just don't know her! There's gonna be like communication problem, how'd you expect me to sit with her on the bloody bus and even SLEEP with her? Like fine la, I know surely someone has to sacrifice, but I'm having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that I have to be the one who has to do that. Shit la. And while everyone will be enjoying their asses off, I would be the only one wishing to come home. And all my wonderful thoughts, like doing way funner stuff with E and J have totally disappeared. Fuck. Fuck band, fuck japan, fuck life. And fuck beetles. Shit. Just thinking about beetles and wasps can make me shiver. HELLO DISGUSTING BEETLE(S), WHY MUST YOU COME AND DISRUPT MY PERFECTLY PEACEFUL LIFE EVERY SINGLE NIGHT, AND WHY MUST YOU LOOK SO INTIMIDATING AND MAKE THAT FREAKY CLACKING SOUND WHEN YOU WALK. WHY DO YOU LOOK SO METALLIC AND NICE WHEN ACTUALLY YOU'RE JUST WAITING TO DIE IN MY ROOM. WHY DO YOU NOT STOP CRAWLING WHEN I TRY TO KILL YOU. WHY DO YOU COME AND DISTURB ME, YOU SCARY THING. Shit man. Beetles and wasps suck to the core.

Currently, my life cannot be considered life in its actual meaning.

2008-10-19T08:55:00.001+08:00

Imma sad kid.

It was hell.

2008-10-17T16:08:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was cool. (: And I realised that my cousin was at T3 too! But I didn't see her, haha. It was cool, but I was having an I-look-pretty-ugly day, so the pictures were kinda bad. [Note the irony - pretty:ugly] But, still it's the memories that matter! ;D

Some things are bound to change. And I'm tryna accept it, I think everyone around me's trying really hard too. Oh, really good news, AMIRAH CHANG's gonna get promoted! Thank goodness! All of us must work our asses off next year okay! I erally wonder what I go to school for, it is an absolute waste of time, effort and money! I mean shouldn't they make the holidays like earlier if they've nothing to entertain us with? Tsk. Shizz. It's the Archdiocesan Youth day tmr. 1145 to 1030! It's a full day event, and I'm feeling apprehensive, like I always feel for all events. Shit. November 15, how should I put it, a milestone in my life? I'm scared, anyone wanna show me the way/.

I think Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown make a good pair. :B All the best for those taking their O's and A's in a while. :D You know you can do it! To Rena and Yuxin, we miss y'all okay! Can't wait for when the O's end! ;D

If I should die before I wake.

2008-10-15T19:38:00.003+08:00

Omg I'm super duper shocked, I just saw 2 neighbours with their boyfrienzzxzxz, in the SAME lrt train! It was so awkward! Darn, is this like the hook-up peroid of the year? It's okay to just see one pair of lovebirds la, but then two in the same train? My heart can't take it, I swear!

Okay haha, I'm over it! (8

I just realised that my dad worked really hard to reach where he is today, and that it isn't easy to be an adult! Now I feel kinda awed by my parents. Believe it or not, my dad was actually damn pai kia when he was young, like those cool dudes with the heck-care attitude, he just enjoyed playing the guitar, hanging out with his friends and going for camps! Hahah but he got serious after getting married. And my mum is hardcore! She seriously does a great job managing the whole of the house, even when we mess it up like shit. Wellos. I love my parents, I guess. (:

Hahah yay, I'm gonna T3 tmr aft band with Est and J! Est, don't be sad okay! You still have us :D

Tag replies -
Lizzi: Haha I always feel damn smelly after school! Besides, I was having *wink* on that day!
Hawhaw ;D
Huiying: Haha will asap! I really wanna finish watching this one (:
Vicks: Haha told you it was an on-the-spot kinda rush! And i'ts relieving btw :D

2008-10-10T23:26:00.002+08:00

There's a little creepy house
In a little creepy placeLittle creepy town
In a little creepy world
Little creepy girlWith her little creepy face
Saying funny things that you have never heard

Do you know what it's all about
Are you brave enough to figure out
Know that you could set your world on fire
If you are strong enough to leave your doubts

Feel it
Breathe it
Believe it
And you'll be walking on air
Go try
Go fly
So high
And you'll be walking on air
You feel this unless you kill me
Go onA
nd you're forgiven
I knew thatI could feel that
I feel likeI am walking on air

Walking on air - Kerli

2008-10-10T23:02:00.002+08:00

I'm tired.

Felt so smelly during CL, cause I didn't bathe! And I finished my dinner, minus 3 fishballs in 10 minutes. Whoa, backache now, why uh. I didn't do nothing! /: Open house tmr, major shizz. I hope the band doesn't screw up the 15 minutes, even though it's like nothing. I'll try to give my best, the whole horn section must do so! Yay, section breakfast in the morning, remember guys, 7 AM at PP Macs! ;D Hahah JJ got me into the whole hotcake craze manxzxz.

I just realised something. Wanna know? Okay.

I get goosebumps when
-I step into the shower and turn on the faucet
-I sneeze
-I'm sick or something
-NOT when I am cold.

Man, I am so weird. Hurhur.

Okay, I shall stop the weirdness (:

2008-10-09T20:24:00.002+08:00

This is so annoying. I can't reply tags on my tagboard, so I've decided to reply them here. (: Got my results, got nothing to say about it. Oh yeah, went to Bugis with J1, J2, J3, and Esther bird for the J^3SE reunion! Ahh, the good 'ole times. (: But it was really terrible at the beginning. I met Jerine at 12 plus, then we decided to go to BHG the sports section to look for my bag, and I was habing killer cramps all the way from home, in the train and during the outing. Wah sai man, really felt like shit. Yeah so I was like dying, then we wanted to meet Jz, Jo and Est at BHG, but we didn't say so, so Jz was like meet at the Converse/Levi section. And we waited at BHG, but they waited at the same section IN Bugis Junction. Hahaha, man, how retarded can we get. Yeah so after that we decided to meet at the Fountain, so as we were waiting, I almost decomposed on the spot, it felt like damn long, then they finally came, and I felt so dizzy, I felt like vomitting so badly, I couldn't hear and see properly, it was damn scary. And they told me that my face looked damn pale and I was like oh shit. So haha Jerine and Est went to get Panadol for me, while Jz and Jo shielded me from embarassing stares. Thanks friends! Love y'all. (: Felt much better after that, Panadol works wonders! First time taking it, I could have had an allergic reaction!

ANYWAY. Reading the IT girl novels now, haha damn scandalous man! But it's cool. Oh shizz, and there are like 1 hour long chinese lessons everyday with that shitty, unable-to-teach teacher, besides JR, I think the rest is hell luh, there's also shitty chinese homework to do, like how shitty is school. /:

I want my Hot Shot dose noooow! Really awesome eye candies, serious serious. :D

2008-10-06T13:13:00.003+08:00

I am so angry now I feel the fumes coming.

%^&&)Y&*#$%#$$%$%&^&((($ %$^%#

Bloody bloody blaaaardy hell my tagboard's so screwed it looks so ugly the way I see it there is something wrong I've got rashes on my leg it's damn itchy I wanna scratch but it's gonna leave freaking ugly scars I want to get of the house but I'm trapped in this empty hole with a super annoying mother who makes me copy english and chinese DAILY which is plain torture I wanna go out and shop and listen to no more shit from my parents the computer's so screwed like everything's so wrong.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH/.

Why-.

2008-10-04T10:49:00.003+08:00

Just felt like being here. Was watching some of Jay Chou's MVs, kinda made me cry cause the plot's always good. Yeah, and was thinking bout some of the House Bunny soundtracks cause they sounded quite good, maybe will go search for some later on. Somehow idk, but life's just lost that kinda meaning, see? I'm not trying to be melancholic or what, but this is how I really feel. It's like the end of the year, and exams are all over and yadayada, but now it's just listlessness, I have no idea why. It's like studying has taken up 100% of my time, so now cause I don't needa anymore, there's nothing to do. Actually, I kinda miss J^3SE, the times that we had, the simple pleasures we shared, and how we used to laugh at alot of things. How innocent. :D I mean, we can still keep those memories, but we are no more what we used to be. Everybody's changed, but we can only hope for the best, right? All the best to Jerine, Jolene, Jin Zaw and Esther in the future, just felt like saying this, in case I don't ever get the chance to talk to y'all properly anymore. Love y'all okay! I still do. :D

Why lead the high life?

2008-10-03T22:23:00.002+08:00

I don't like it at all, not a single bit. It feels like shit being stuck in the middle like that. I hate the feeling, y'know? And I feel so fcking self-conscious I feel so much like shit just having my presence there. Sorry Lizzi, I know I didn't do a good job and yeah I got loads to improve on, really sorry cause I'm not sure if I even made the correct decision by joining. I can't act for nuts, see. I think I'm bringing the whole thing down, so much so that everytime I have a part to play, the whole thing sucks.

I AM SUCH A SUPERFICIAL BEING/FREAK.

2008-10-03T17:41:00.002+08:00

So, the exams are over, like PHEW -/ Went to watch The House Bunny with Cherms, Dhiah, and Nana. Abit sad luh, the turnout. Jj and Mushroom were supposed to go too! But well, next time, next time. Hahah, ate hotcakes for the first time in my LIFE today! See how noob I am, hahaha. Then after the movie went to walk ard Daiso with CW, then we decided to head to Bishan Library to find a place to sit without having to buy anything, hahahah. Oh yeah, first went to check out Jj's bag, wasn't really helpful but we did try though! :D AYE GIRL THIS IS FOR YOU STOP BROODING OVER THAT QISIREN PERSON CAUSE HE DOESN'T DESERVE YOU! (: Yay. Hahaah yeah so cw did a 'lil chinese at the library while I kinda ppl-watched and tried to read. Hurhur. I couldn't stop yawning, shizz. :O Must be the exam stress, see. :D There's CLCLCLCLCLCL later. Idk, but I'm kinda tired out, again I'm losing the drive to serve God, howhowhowhowhow. And Confirmation's coming and I'm barely there. Shitttttt, how. I must say I kinda didn't really enjoy Feast Day, felt it was kinda a letdown.

I was desperate to use the computer but now I don't feel so anymore. AIYOH/.

&Vanilla puff (:

2008-09-10T15:23:00.002+08:00

Illegal, illegal.

I just did shopping advising for worms. Hhahah. Cool 8) I finally brought my horn home today. My hands are gonna rip apart, omg! Hahah someone get a cast for me. I want it bright orange! Whoohoo (: Cramps suck. Girls shouldn't have to suffer all the time, damn! Okay, wtv.

__________________________________________________________________

I think I saw Jared the CL guy cycling t Fernvale when I was walking back, weird. It's 330 and I think I should go. All the best everyone, for the EYEs. :D

Oh, I like Crush and The Man Who Can't Be Moved. Gosh, I'm addicted. (:

2008-09-05T13:27:00.003+08:00

Things always don't go the damned way you want it to. I know it isn't meant to, yeah but why. I want answers, I'm yearning for answers. It's like I don't belong. I'm fucking frustrated of everything. I've tried to be better but it doesn't help. It's just this feeling. C'mon God, what's wrong with me? I'm weird. Self-professed.

2008-08-30T18:25:00.002+08:00

Joke of the day: Performance got cancelled.

Hurhur, apparently because of the weather. Then on my way back, less than an hour later, it was bloody sunny all throughout sengkang. Irony, really. No more CIP hours. But still, at least I didn't have to lug my horn to eat dinner with esther then go back. Thank goodness. Mfbbt. Damn sad, no more 6Bang! ): Anyhow, still wish them all the best. I am very very full. I've finally satisfied my Korean Ramen craze. It's still really good even though it's instant and only $1.50. Hahaha. Shit. Just realised I missed class for nothing. But it's already been done right.

I finished my haaaaaan homework! :D So I can sleep w/o worries tonight. Yay.

I'm starting to get wary of certain people.

2008-08-28T22:43:00.002+08:00

Fcuk. I felt so disappointed today. Disappointed at myself, at the people around me. At actions we carry out, at words that we speak. The day proceeded fine, until after extra maths lessons. Immediately after that it was basically just shiaaat. I ~~felt~~ feel like such a fcking loser, a coward, an idiot. I felt like the lousiest thing in the world. I couldn't even do simple maths, like a simple question and I'm already so fcked up. And there were these superman people around me, doing the paper in a breeze, and I was like dying and shrivelling up. I hate this feeling, I hate it that I can't do things that I try to do. Yeah, and band was like even more shit. I even felt like crying, I think I teared, but I kinda had no idea why. Then I heard Clare telling Hui Ying that I was like sad that I couldn't do maths and all (which sounds damn loser-ish) and HY told me to relax. And I just nodded. I was fcking pissed at the whole world, like I kept telling myself that things will get better, but apparently not. Throughout the whole of the band practice, I kept telling myself to give my best, last shot before Saturday's performance, cause it'll be the last for some time. I know I still played like shit, wth, and that pissed me off even more. I didn't know what was wrong with me, I just felt I could never ever get things right. I think I'm fighting really hard for a place in this world, but things just don't go right. I have this habit of thinking back on stuff and feeling so embarrassed about what I did then, like I think "Shit, why did I say that! It's damn brainless." And I'll brood over it for the whole day. Yeah just in case you didn't know, I'm that kinda person. I hate myself. I hate my character. I hate my personality.

Hate's a strong word.

2008-08-26T20:16:00.004+08:00

Blog hopping is so damn addictive. :D Whoa I was damn relieved I passed my summary, cause out of 2 compres and 2 summaries, I only passed 1 summary. Is my english THAT bad?! Damn scary. /: But well, what to dooooo(dle). I can only hope I pass english overall and don't get retained. The exams. Are a very, very, extremely scary, mind-boggling thing. I'm not in the least bit prepared, but it's coming, coming, then very soon it'd be over. School's like running a damned marathon, and the prospect of it is just plain scary. I seriously don't like MrK. He's 100% confirmed plus chop biased against me. I'm so sorry, he sucks. Mr Tay, where'd you go? (I miss you so, hahaha) And shit. I just checked my CCA records and I only got 16 points after so many meaningless competitions and only 77.5 hours of CIP. I still need 22.5 to hit 100. Whyyyy. :( I owe MrK friggin' corrections, and many many things undone. Omg. The exams. Okay sherms, you gotta stop wasting your time on the computer from now, so no more switching it on for nonsensical purposes. You must mug till the end and do your best so as not to let you and your parents down. I hope I can keep to this. This is my 2nd try. And I WILL keep to this.

P.S. Mushroom! Cheer up 'aight! Your brother's just immature, everything will be alright. Love you!

2008-08-22T17:32:00.002+08:00

I'm gonna pon class tmrw. I feel bad, but wth. I've just lost feeling for some things lately, it's kind of disappointing, I know I'm drifting away from God, where is my faith. I don't even feel like going for CL tonight, but it's not cause it's bad or anything, just that I've lost touch - man I don't know what to type anymore. I suck. I won't be going for class next saturday as well because of band CIP at Kolam Ayer market, like fishcakes!? Urgh, everything irks me, everything's getting in my way. Sec3 isn't exactly a good year, with my grades and all the shit in the first few months when I was depressed like hell, but at least I've found my friends and at least there are people who care. And I am thankful for that. But there's lots of shit and scandals going on in class, and it affects every single one of us. Superman and Deablow (Hhahah Cherms idk how t spell it manxzxzx :D) scares me. They should stop this. And Superman should stop her crazy, out of the world acts. Cause it's spiralling way out of control, before you even know it.

Dinner. Then CL. I hope it turns out fine.

2008-08-18T20:27:00.001+08:00

I suck.

I know I do.

2008-08-13T16:26:00.002+08:00

Won't be using the computer much after this, so byebye blog for a period of time. Hope I can control myself manxzxzxz. Lj was cooooool. Really. Jr and I were like seriously camwhoring at the peranakan museum, which is such a weird place to take peeeekchers right. Many many unglam shots! And we took some laopok bus there, which broke down like so many times, so scary. The school must really be on a tight budget hur. Aaaaaand! The bus ride back to school (in a different bus, thank goodness) was reaaaally funny! We started waving to random ppl on the streets and hoping they would wave back. Although the lj was free and well, kinda meaningless, I had fun, surprisingly. ;D Okay I'm off. Bye blog.

The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. Did that hit you in the guts?

2008-08-08T23:05:00.002+08:00

I'm very very tired. I kinda feel that this national day performance was like a sucky one, with the band performance and the section stuff and all. My like, top part of the day was majorly ruined by - I shan't say what, but I'm bothered by it. SHEEEEEATT. Ate and walked alot today. First time I did so much walking in the same compound. But I was absorbing the atmosphere in all the time. ;D I swear I'll go back there during December. (8 Got my Black Star! Kinda cheered up the day, like okay, at least I didn't go home that empty-handed. This is random: I REALLY REALLY LIKE TOMYUM CHICKEN. Okay random mood gone.

2008-08-07T20:50:00.003+08:00

Tomorrow.
Yes.
I want a good shot at my money.
I must eat
Eat
And eat.

Awww sheeeeeat. It's NDP tmr. Please, please do not laugh at me tmr. It's gonna be so, so retarded I'll have nowhere to hide my face after that. So I'll just eat my embarrassment away (8
Omg, there are so many things to do over the weekend. But I just feel like stoning the whole weekend away, damn it. Zhang laoshi (I typed laoshiT - by accident, really) is so very mean. C'mon, who gives two zuo wens at one time. Gahh. I want to finish it okay, but I know I really can't.

Ahh shit man, I got like, quite a few ulcers on my tongue (like, wth right). It's so annoying. Okay, I'm on the verge of pitying myself now. Haha. Oh. Nidya should be back, right, so the tuition cycle starts over again. Guess I really need her. Losing track real fast w/o her help. I get it. I'm a really really slow learner. /:

2008-08-02T12:38:00.001+08:00

Shit. I'm PMS-ing.

Sorry for the grumpiness, all, especially on friday.

2008-08-01T22:12:00.002+08:00

Back from CL. Was okay, nothing much. Got quite bored, didn't say much. Still feeling quite inferior and all, but yeah, it takes time for me to warm up oh-kay! (: Well I'll try my best. My brain's ALWAYS not working when I need it to. Aiyoh. So, I get like 45mins to use the computer, and it's pretty stressful! Watching some lame drama now, the only thing that's like, good there is wangzi. He has always been good. But J, it's also not 100% for me anymore! It's like 40% only. And 45% ERJT. Hoho, get what I mean? I think you lost interest like, a thousand years ago. :/ Hurhur.

ANYWAY.

Dang, there's some Upper Pierce (or is it Lower Pierce?) thing for catechism tmr. I don't feel like going! Seriously. I don't wanna see turn-offs that ruin my entire day. And there's geog on monday!?! But I won't luh. Just go, sherms, just make yourself go. Hopefully you'll get to learn something that'll make you a better person.

Yes, I can't wait for tomorrow man. Seriously. CAN'T WAIT. (dread)

2008-07-26T10:55:00.002+08:00

Meiden High School Band is AWESOME. And we're like nothing compared to them. I CAN'T WAIT FOR JAPAN! Enjoyed myself to the max last night. Had sooo much fun with Jerine, Esther and Baolin in the car. The journey to PP MRT was like, 45 mins, but it felt like 15 mins. You can never get enough of good times, I swear. I haven't felt so happy in a very, very long time. Aroung these AWE-MAZING peepoo, I can be myself and not care what they think about me, whether they're bitching behind my back and that kinda shit.

I love my friends. Every single one of them. :D

Now for Maths. And my mudder wants her chinese and english writing and one full chinese paper for my dad to mark. Aww man. Why can't I be free like the wind and choose not to do anything?

2008-07-22T16:01:00.002+08:00

I hope I pass my Social Studies. I couldn't finish it! I can remember ALL the information you want me to, but I need time to write it all out, dammit! Well. It's over already luh. Haha had a really scary encounter after school with cockroaches. (Like, ewwwwww.) Like almost every void deck around our school was friggin SWARMING with cockroaches, dead and alive! As in, really infested. Yuck yuck. But quite interesting lahh haha. Poor Jerine! Screaming like there was nothing else to look forward to in life. And I told her that, "Aiyoh, it's okay, the cockroaches can't eat you but you can eat them!" Hoho. Grossed everyone around me out. =8)

Whoa, finding a confirmation name is so not easy! Everything sounds weird with my name. And it's gotta be in like, on Saturday! Sheesh. But, I must say, I really thank God for helping me through the year, whether good or bad. I can see and feel the change. Thank you. ;D Well. Everything's not exactly going well yet, there's still many things to consider and think about, but y'know what, I think I think too much. As in, really think too too much, but that's just how I am right, I wouldn't mind being totally carefree.

Tuition at 6.
Maths revision paper by tmr.
A.Maths test on Thursday.
Comprehension test on Friday.
NDP rehearsal on Friday.
Meiden High Concert on Friday.

: /

2008-07-18T21:49:00.002+08:00

0-K-a-Y,

So, my mum is like pissed beyond words, but you know what? I'm not exactly bothered anymore luh, cause like besides my sister and my dad and flowers I think she doesn't look forward to anything more in life.

Enjoyment/entertainment = utter rubbish.

Well. Went to church to pick Chriszsz up after MTP. Was really embarrassed cause I stepped into the church foyer in my uniform WITHOUT my socks, just my shoes, and carrying a friggin dumb plastic bag with 2 chicken pies. &I think some CL ppl saw me, which is the reason for my embarrassment. And guilt. Shermaine, you baddie!

Aww shucks. Like, one after another. C'mon life, stop for meeeeee. :/

2008-07-12T18:39:00.003+08:00

GOLD WITH DISTINCTION and FIRST IN DIVISION! (87.8%)

I am surprised. (: BUT WHOOHOO! WE DID IT! LIKE IT'S ALL WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR. Though there were certain moments I admit we didn't give our best, we've tried all we can and that's all that matters! Right? RIGHT! I shall not let my tears fall freely anymore. Because it was all worth it! Though internal conflicts cannot be avoided, it was still the best! OKAY I AM A GIRL WITH ONE LESS REGRET :D

Just came back from cat class. And I don't like combined lessons, it's so boring and all the clique stuff come up. Gawwd, I really really cannot stand some super annoying people, like ___ and ___ and ___ and ___ but oh well. If they joined just for show or just to meet guys and that sorta shit, then too bad, enjoy your life now but regret in the future. (8 HAHA I FEEL BAD FOR SAYING THAT but who cares. That's to make me EVEN happier. I am so very tired because of free-falling tears that couldn't control themselves. YUXIN! THE HORN SECTION LOVES YOU, PRICELESS PRECIOUS! YOU ROCK! Thanks alot for the talk to calm our confused souls, and for taking in all our tears and our thrashing session. Thanks for the Toblerone! Sorry, think we kinda disappointed you a little and stuff, but still thankyouverymuch! Must do well for O's okay! We'll be there for you too. (:

OOOH! SHERMAINE IS ~~happy~~ feeling just okay, but well. Nothing can get me down tonight I guess. I hope. I'M SURE! YAYYYEEEE ;D

Wake up in the morning, stumble on my life

Can't get no love without sacrifice

If anything should happen, I guess I wish you well

A little bit of heaven, but a little bit of hell

2008-07-10T22:07:00.002+08:00

I
AM
SO
VERY
DEAD.

I'm feeling so lifeless. My eyes hurt, and I got a headache for the 1st time in one year (I think). The feeling's so strange, cause I've haven't gotten one for a long, long time till now. Gotta get my new blouse tmr. Waste maa $$! But what to do, there are just some people who lack conscience and guilt, well that's just too bad, I hope you stop this shit. You're a harm to the class, know that girl. Many many tests coming up, and I feel shamed to say that I have done no preparation at all. Think I should start yeah, can't afford to fail anymore. ): My computer's bongbong so I'm using the laptop, which doesn't like me. I can't type properly, the keypad's so unfamiliar. Raining outside. Sleeping with my parents. Oh yay, I feel safe. :D

2008-07-08T19:48:00.002+08:00

OMG MY MUDDER IS SERIOUSLY THE MOST UNREASONABLE PERSON ON EARTH. SHE WILL CAUSE ME TO MURDER. Like sheeeeat. Okay breathe, shermaine, breathe.

-

Important announcement:

SHERMAINE IS SLOWLY, BUT SURELY, LOSING HER MEMORY. Bit by bit. Soon, she will forget her name, forget who she is, forget who she was, forget whatever she has done, forget her friends, her family, forget how to eat, sleep, shit, and one fine day, she will forget herself.

Help me, God.

2008-07-07T14:07:00.002+08:00

SVDP Funfair was great while it lasted, and I'm glad that I took part. Well, at least it takes my mind of certain things. I can only pray that things will get better and not go downward yet again. It's been too much, too long. Have to get OngSia day presents as well as Farewell presents. Hope they appreciate our uber hilarious video! Well, we put alot of heart into doing it a'ight. Thinking of getting it on Friday w/ Clare, hope we can settle it once and for all! And we'll buy some cheapo present for OngSia! Not like they will care or take notice, they're so rich, gosh! School, school, school. Dread, dread, dread. Damn fun, yeah. Know what, I'm not sure why I wna grow up FAST, but I am so on about growing up, growing old. Haha, sound like I wanna get white hair like NOW! But NO. I just wna get out of school quick. Whoohoo.

Be My Escape - Relient K

2008-07-04T19:16:00.002+08:00

Like what the fuck, I am fucking annoyed. Seeeeeriously. Sometimes I really don't wna come back home, cause it sucks at home. Mummy, why can't you see that I'm growing up, becoming more mature as I grow and hopefully be able to handle my time better? Mummy, why can't you see that keeping tabs on me 24/7 is not exactly THE way to control me? It's not as if I'm some havoc kid or something. Seriously, you haven't seem worse. I'm so mad I don't wna type anymore. Pisses my ass off. WTH.
- Church later, don't know whether to laugh or cry.

My love for WangZi has rekindled. And I'm starting to think that YaLun's not bad as well. Oh well. ;D

2008-06-28T12:15:00.003+08:00

Since I'm here, I might as well write. Right. I think I should have joined a convent school. And I think I should have chosen triple science. Because of unplanned decisions, my life is pretty much going way down. Talked for approximately 1 hour with Jz last night. Rather entertaining, omg, I miss the Muttons! Can you believe it, last night was the 1st time I listened to Muttons At Midnight. NOOOOOB! :/ Haha, self-professed. (: ANYWAY. There's car wash tmr! I don't feel like going luh, idk why too. Gotta leave early for Han, but I'm not sad! Cause I miss Jr, Bella and Joanne! We shall all laugh at Zejun and his angmoh cheena tgt ;D I think life's pretty boring. Like, school, tuition, home, friends, talk, act, pretend, yadayada. Nothing new. I cannot, cannot wait till I grow up. I know many ppl wna retain their childhood years but given a choice, I would just keep repeating '06 & '07. Seriously miss CforSpecial, and everything that went on, everything that we went through. No major hiccup, can you imagine! My my, I miss Taiwan & Shithouse & Lalawo SO MUCH. Okay, flooding memories.

Think I should go get my PaoPaoCha. NOW. The sun's so hot! DAMN. ]: What should I eat for lunch. Ban Mian? [I haven't forgetten. 8) ]

Illegality.

2008-06-27T18:45:00.002+08:00

Take A Bow is so, so in my head. Nice song ;D My, my. I think I'm going deaf pretty soon. Haha but I can't afford to, cause I'm going blind as well. Damn. Shitzzos. There's CL later. And the giving out of the fliers thing, but A's not going! I don't wna go too. 20% chance that she might be able to make it. But - SIGHS. I guess not. NEVERMIND. I'll get over it. Well. I guess I won't go for any preparation activities for the funfair. I'm like missing everyone of it. And now I'm feeling guilty, sheesh. :/ Tuition today, tuition tmr, lesson sunday! Man, isn't my life like so interesting. Talking to Est on msn is DAMN amusing cause it's been ages since she was online, she's testing out every function there is. Cute right. Hahaha.

Slightly less worried now, but I still pass each day apprehensively. I still don't know what to expect, what to do, what's the norm. WHERE IS MY LIFE. Helloooooo -.

That was quite a show,
Very entertaining,
Now it's time to go,
Curtains finally closing -

Empty.

2008-06-21T19:51:00.002+08:00

Empty.
Nothing.
Zilch.
Nil.
Zero.
Bare.
Blank.
Hollow.
Vacant.
Vacuous.
Void.
Drained.
Deviod.
Meaningless.
Nullity.
Worthless.

Yeah choose one, any would suit my mood. Could be PMS, but I think not. Hurhur, sometimes, I really wonder what my parents brought me up for. To be a good-for-nothing? A nobody? Answers don't fall from the sky, right. I know I shouldn't have gone. But I didn't listen, listen to what my heart was trying to tell me. That it would all be wrong. That it was pointless to go. That nothing would turn out the way I wanted to think it would happen. That I would just move down one rank. My confidence level is below zero, into the negative side. I know I'll start to have bad dreams, bad days, negative everything. 'Cuz life isn't a bed of roses, I know. But why does it have to be a carpet of thorns. Why, just why. How I wish there was a restart button for my life. I would have hit it a long, long time ago. Without regrets. Could be rash, but well, at least better than now. Much, much better.

How much worse can things get? I really should brace myself for the worst. But how much can I take?

Can I not wake up from my sleep, please.